Monday, January 14, 2002
Well. Today was pretty crappy.
It just plain sucked.
Yesterday, I was pretty "ok" with it. (What I mean by that is I was not crying, I had a couple tears. But mostly I was in shock) But today, with that moment of silence. I broke down. I was crying for most of the morning. I haven't cried in a long time, never mind at school. I started to get better at lunch, but only thanks to Green Day. I listened to "Time of you life" about 20 times in total, starting at lunch. For the first couple times, it made me upset again. Then I started to feel better. So I spent the rest of the afternoon working on my anger.
SO many things pissed me off today.
First off were the people that put Eerik down today. I heard on guy call him a dick head. I also heard many other people call him "stupid" and various other put downs.... Then the stories of others hearing people call him names and such. And that girl that spit on his locker?
I think these people were just scared. No one is scared of having a heart attack, but everyone can relate to suicide....
Second was the COMPLAINING I HEARD! People were complaining about Eerik getting more attention than Tim Silent. OF COURSE HE DID! Tim died roughly in the middle of the summer. People had time to deal with it. When we got back to school, even more people grieved. I remember giving my condolences to people and signing that book. Why did Eerik get a (I can't think of a better word..) "Shrine"? Because his friends made him it. That monument (again, for lack of a better word) was made by Eerik's friends. That is why Tim didn't get one, because no one made him one.
And lastly, was putting his "last" blog up for everyone to see. I personally think this was a bad idea. His blog ment more to us, his friends, and even more the "Bogging community" at Ajax high. To people that didn't know him that well, or didn't follow his blogs, it MADE EERIK LOOK BAD! He starts it off "well, I got drink for free" That immediately makes him look like bad person to others. That blog, to someone who didn't follow Eerik’s blog, makes Eerik look BAD! It makes it look like a suicide note to people. And this, it is not. I am sure Eerik did not mean for those to be his last words
(oh, and people. His last words were not "Increase the Peace. They were "there is no such thing as capitalism"
Today when I was sitting in front of the memorial wall with Keith, I saw two people that for sure didn't know Eerik, walk up and stand there. That was ok, they were curious. But the Girl asked the guy "Why did he do it?" and the guy replied "Read that thing" and then pointed at the print out of the Blog. She went over and read it, then walked back. I didn't hear anything more. But I am sure that Girl and Guy think Eerik was a terrible person. They have less feelings towards him.
Eerik was the only guy my age that was worth of being a Role model. He was the only person in the world I looked up to. I admired him. I wish I could have told him that.
But sadly, the only person I have ever looked up to and admired it gone.
Take that as selfish if you will, I don't care.
:: posted by Sharp, 7:38 PM