Monday, October 29, 2001
this might be a long blog... so stick with me... it should be good.
Me and my best friend (He will be known as Cgt) have been talking about individuality and group security.
He has been involved in groups his whole life, and now is bored with them and has shunned them.
Me on the other hand has never had a group, until recently and now fears losing his individuality.
this conversation we had was spawned from him thinking i now do drugs, because today in Art class, i mentioned "K" and how it makes your face go numb, and that made him think i did it to know (don't ask why) this made me angry, becase he thought just becase i am within a group of people that do alot of drugs, i would give in a do them myself.
Since i forget the things we talked about.... i will just copy/paste our conversation here.... (things in ** and italics have been edited out for privacy)
*NOTE* we spell really bad.... alot of this was spur of the moment.... typing really fast, so MANY mistakes are in here.... this is direct COPY-PASTE of our ICQ conversation
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Cgt -why do you get so mad when people think u do something cuz ur friends do?
Me- sterotyping
it is bad
i don't want to be seen as "one of them" so to
say (not "one of the goths/rockers", them
refers to any group of people)
i want to be seen as an individual
People automaticaly have ideas in their head
when they think of various groups.... and i
don't want to be thought of as having them.
Most of the thoughts are bad.
Cgt- yeah but you are the company you keep.. how
the hell can u be seen as an individual with
out being in a movie. YOURE NOT! you are a
group now sorry! its human nature to put
things into categories.
*Edit Name* doesnt like u
because you are the company . I mean i know u
as a person but not the same person when ur
with them. u r a part of ur goth crew. ur not
an individual and if you can name any one
other than movie stars and historical figures
youre a genious.i mean ur still my best friend
but not when ur with them... you act pretty
conceded but u do have good cause and dont
deny it cuz i wont deny you. i think its good
you have a group now , but i have had that my
whole life. i dont care but u havent and i
think its a good thing for u so dont stop!
humans arent an individual and theres no way
you can change that.
Me- *please note these messages i am sending you
are not angry... just conversation*
"
*Edit Name* doesnt like u because you are the
company "
I am the EXACT same person i was before.....
just now more confident.
growing up with no self confidence is not good
for a person. I now have it (after 10 years)
and i want to show it. for the first time in
my life i am accepted (by more than single
people) and i "fit in"
I know that you did not mean anything by
it.... but when you called me conceded, i was
offended (just thought i let you know, it is
ok)
Cgt- well i hope i didnt strike a nerve by the
conceded remark but i think u deserve it
Me- i have tried many groups.... but to no avail.
and i don't see how i was acting any different
now than i was to be called conceded
Cgt- i just dont need
the group security anymore , i dont care about
acceptance or any of that because i realized
groups dont last.. you'll soon realize this.
Me- "i just dont need the group security anymore"
yeah.... i have never felt this so i am just
experiancing it now.
Back to the begining of our conversaton, I
want to be an individual now, and not be
considered the same as the group because my
whole life i have been an individual, and now
that i am in a group (which i like) i am
losing it (which i don' like)
I guss i want the best of both worlds......
but i have to give up one
-------------
Then we started talking about other things....
just thought i would post that.... sorry for the length....
:: posted by Sharp, 11:28 PM